- Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.
- You keep repeating yourself.
- You keep repeating yourself.
- The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.
- You feel like the night after, and you haven't been anywhere.
- You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
- Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.
- You burn the midnight oil until 9 pm.
- Your back goes out more often than you do.
- You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
- You get winded playing chess.
- Your children begin to look middle aged.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- You're still chasing women but can't remember why.
- A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
- Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today..."
- You turn out the light for economic reasons rather than romantic ones.
- The little grey haired lady you help across the street is your wife.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You got cable for the Weather Channel.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying a second coat.
- Dialing long distance wears you out.
- You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty girl go by.
- You're startled the first time you are addressed as an old timer.
- You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.
- Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell the same story for the zillionth time.
- You are proud of your lawn mower.
- People don't harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
- Your relatives longingly refer to your things as "your estate".
- You're only good on a trip for an hour without your aspirin, beano and antacid.
- You're awake many hours before your body allows you to get up.
- You're wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just your left leg.
- You are having trouble remembering simple words like....
- You're anti-everything: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammation....