UFO's are real. It's the Air Force that doesn't exist!

A synonym is a word you use if you can't spell the other one.

I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.

MONEY TALKS ... but all mine ever says is GOODBYE!

I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?

I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?

Optimist: A YUGO owner.

43% of all statistics are useless.

I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn LOUDER!

Black Holes are where God divided by zero.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Dolphins: Don't trust a species that's always smiling, its up to something!

Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.

1st rule of intelligent tinkering - save all the parts.

SHIN - A device for finding furniture in the dark.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.